Detroit Stand Up is live! Check it out.

(more later)

About halfway through a book I was recently asked to review, I updated the status on my Facebook profile to read: Dora Badger doesn’t quite know what to say.

I finished reading the book a few minutes ago.  I actually know exactly what to say but most of it’s pretty damn bitchy.  Facebook has enough snarky gossip already, so I’m posting it here instead.

Note: after you’ve read this if you really want to know who I’m addressing, just ask.  I’ll name the publishing house in question privately; I won’t do it publicly because from what I’ve seen, this could easily be directed toward any of several POD/ebook publishers (for example: a few months ago, a different POD publisher than the one I’m dealing with in this blog -another one which provides in-house ‘editing’- actually printed a book that switches fonts halfway through the work for no reason at all).  Anyway, the publishing house in question knows who they are and my review will be readily available after 5/16 if you don’t want to email me for the details.

Readers who want to learn about ebook publishers with higher editorial standards are directed to the Absolute Write POD Self-Publishing and E-Publishing Forum.

The Less Bitchy Part of What I Have to Say

Just a taste: it’s ‘per se’, not ‘per say’; the word you want to use there is ‘altars’, not ‘alters’; those are only two of several dozen misused homophones in the work; excessive use of passive voice will eventually make your readers sleepy; excessive clichés will eventually piss them off; and I promise you that there are major differences between how one should use a colon and a semicolon.

I received the book through a third party so I’m not sure whether the author or the publisher originally sent it out to be reviewed, but I presume the act of submitting it means you want your reviewer’s honest opinion.

Really?

…okay.

For the first thirty or so pages I thought somebody had to be kidding, until I realized no one would go to the trouble of publishing a joke book just so I would have something else to bitch about.

Then it occurred to me that I now have to give what could have been a halfway decent book a crappy review because the editor couldn’t be bothered to look for any mistakes that Spell Check didn’t point out.

Shame, shame, shame on you.

Spelling and grammar are one thing, but you’re also apparently not big on editing for content.  So what sort of ‘editorial services’ do you actually provide?  I am honestly quite curious.  After reading the entire book once and then skimming through it twice, as well as chasing down threads about your publishing house in various online forums to learn whether the editorial standards in this book are a fluke or indicative of a trend, I’m inclined to believe that you’re trying so hard to be nice that you aren’t doing any serious editing at all.

Today’s Publishing Secrets Tip

If you’re polite about it, you can make editorial suggestions that would improve the book immensely without the author immediately writing you off as an asshole.

Former VP of SFWA Andrew Burt has developed some amazing guidelines on writing diplomatic critiques that can easily be applied to editorial input…

…yes, I’ve completely ignored most of these guidelines in this blog.  They are, however, rigorously followed in my review, which is directed at potential readers of the book and not an editor whose job it is to know better.

My point here is, if  you make your suggestions as politely as possible and your author still thinks you’re an asshole…frankly, who cares?!  You obviously enjoyed her book enough to accept it for publication. It’s your job to point out anything that still needs improvement so the author can revise or enhance it.   Help the rest of us see what you did in her work.  Trust me, if you don’t push your author to refine her work then you’ll end up with, for example, pages of  inconsistent framing and uneven dialogue, 15,000 or so words in passive voice – and a number of increasingly irritated readers.

I notice your books are only available online.  This brings me to:

Publishing Secrets Tip of the Day #2

Your books will never be in actual, physical bookstores until your editorial standards improve.

Your books and others like them aren’t on the shelves of  brick-and-mortar stores for a reason.  That reason has less to do with Big Publishing ‘taking up all the space’ than most people like to think.

I applaud your wish to give emerging writers an audience, but this author’s book deserved better and so does your publishing house.  I truly hope you’re able to do a better job of this next time.

–And, yes: this absolutely is the less bitchy part of what I had to say.

Note: This blog is also on my MySpace page, so if you’ve already read that one you don’t have to read this one.  Go grab a glass of wine and Crooked Little Vein and have a great night.

Book review stuff

Okay. So I have another book review up at sonar4 ezine. They have a new format, much easier to navigate. Check it out.

Detroit Stand Up stuff

Detroit Stand Up is coming along. I know, when you go there you don’t see any content to speak of. That’s because we’re not live yet…April 1 is The Day, mark your calendars.

…the open mic calendar’s not up yet because I’ve been a slacker about that, sorry all. It’ll be up and working by next Wednesday.

There. Now I have a deadline.

Speaking of deadlines, if you’re supposed to send me something and haven’t then please get it in by the 22nd. I’m begging you guys here.

Speaking of editorial oversight (yeah, we weren’t. So bite me), I’m working on a couple of pieces for DSU that I’d like to have at least one other person review before I embarrass myself by posting them. If you’re interested in taking a look and giving me feedback, let me know ASAP. I’ll send them to you Tuesday the 24th and I’d need your input by the following Friday.

There are some cool-comedy-things-around-town-type things posted in ‘Shows’ on the DSU site (the tab’s in the upper RH corner, check it out). We’re adding items daily, so check back often.

If you have a cool show coming up in April or May, let me know and I’ll post it. Hell yeah I will.

Under the ‘DSU-2′ tab I’ve added logos from our advertisers. We get like a 1-5% kickback for anything you buy from them after clicking through from DSU. So if you’re looking for that first edition of Une Semaine de Bonté and were going to alibris.com anyway, then you should do it through our site so we can maybe raise our contributors’ pay to a whole $2.50/article.

COMEDY CLUB OWNERS: send me your logos and upcoming shows! -or even just permission to pull the stuff from your site. It’s free advertising, yo. Like, 100% free, no strings attached. But I can’t do it without permission, so, you know: if it’s okay then let me know. C’mon now.

Show stuff

I’ll be performing at Flor y Canto at the Michigan League in Ann Arbor on April 2. Drop me a line if you want more info. This is a multicultural women’s spoken-word program being put on by U of M minority sororities. Lots of slam, lots of non-slam poetry, a couple of one-woman-show-type things.

The abortion jokes should be a big hit.

Other stuff

SE Michigan authors: if you are a slipstream, magic realism, steampunk, surrealism or interstitial writer get in touch. I’m starting a writers’ group for us right here in Detroit. I mean, look at our town. Look at our state. We live in what should be an interstitial fiction Mecca. It’s a damn shame that we don’t have a group like this already, so let’s get on it.

Heads-up: this isn’t so much a sword-and-sorcery, reworked fairy tale, or standard sci-fi or horror sort of thing. We’ll take people who’ve written in any form or genre but this particular group is entirely to develop slipstream et al writing skills.

Our first meeting will be at the end of May, exact date tbd, exact location tbd but it will be somewhere in Detroit proper. I’ll find us a central location, easy freeway access, bus line too, yada yada yada so you’ll have no excuse.

The hours and HOURS of typing and writing for the 24H Challenge & etc. kicked the CT into high gear, so I couldn’t type for a couple of days.  I’m back at it now and will complete the uploads of the 24H Challenge scenes and the Scene A Day scenes.  There are a few more on the other site and I’ll keep on throwing them up there over the next few days.

Stupid nerve endings.  Stupid pain.

It’s almost worth believing in God so I can give thanks for ibuprofen.

WHOOPS gotta go – Twigs & Seeds just came up in my playlist, and I hate rewinding.  That song ROCKS. -bye

My personal 24 Hour Challenge is over and I’ll be posting the results at A Scene A Day on Monday and Tuesday.  A few are up there already.

It’s been a productive day.  After the 24H nap, I sent off a few critiques and did some editing for various projects I’ve been working on, I’m almost finished with the Laimo book, and I sent in an application to be included in the 2009 Ladies of Horror anthology.  Even if I don’t make it into the collection, my application was slamming and I’m a total G.

Recognize.

Today would have been more productive if I hadn’t gotten caught up in Chuck Palahniuk’s latest book, Snuff.  This is a novel about several people whose lives are just complete train wrecks, and yet I can’t stop laughing.  I haven’t finished it yet, so I won’t go into details – but I will say that, once again, he’s managed to take some truly horrific material and work with it in a brutal yet somehow sensitive fashion.  Palahniuk does workshop some of his work, and I just wish that I had been there for Porn Film Titles Day.  I mean, our writers’ group is fun but, you know, we’re taking our writing prompts from pictures of apples and things like that.  …btw, there are a lot of hilarious titles; I suspect CP had a personal challenge to not go more than 300 words without throwing in a porn film title.

Again, I have no idea what type of ending this book will have – although I can’t see how it could possibly be happy – and I’m still willing to wholeheartedly recommend it.  The Detroit Public Library has a copy at the Main Branch in the General Fiction stacks, so you can even check it out for free.  Once you’ve come down off the Inauguration High, scoot over to DPL and prepare to get lost in the funniest, saddest porn industry novel you’ve ever read.

Added on Jan. 22, 2009: Yeah, not exactly a happy ending, and definitely a bit of a turn from what I’d expected when I wrote the above.  It was, however, a redemptive one.  I am now able to recommend this book even more strongly.

I still wish I had been at the workshop.

This is much harder than I thought it would be.  12.5 hours to go, and I’m not even halfway done.

I have already posted a few completed scenes over on A Scene A Day, though.  So it’s getting done.  Stay tuned!

I’ve picked up a new gig as one of the reviewers for Sonar4 Ezine.  They are a sci-fi & horror ezine and they do good work.  My reviews will begin going up in March; in the meantime SF and horror fans should check them out.

Just living the dream, yo.

I know A Scene A Day has faltered.  I know, I know, I know.

There’s an update on the My Stuff page.

I was privileged to provide the entertainment for the annual Mariners Inn Christmas party.  Mariners Inn is a residential substance abuse treatment and transitional housing facility in the heart of Detroit.  Most of the men at Mariner’s Inn reached rock bottom a long time ago, and MI gives them a safe haven to face down their personal demons.  They have some amazing success stories and equally amazing tales of heartbreak.

This was easily my favorite audience to date; they were engaging and responsive, and for once I didn’t mind the occasional heckle.  I just wanted to give a shout to the MI residents and thank them for letting me come and tell my foul, nasty jokes in their nice clean home

Check out their recently upgraded website if you get a chance.  There’s a donations button right on the home page, hint, hint.

They do good work, y’all, and provide a service we can all truly appreciate.

I will be presenting a workshop at the upcoming Rochester Writers Conference.  The Conference will be held on October 11 on the Rochester College campus in Rochester Hills, Michigan.  From their website:

Sessions will include: – (Complete Sessions List and Details)

• The Inspired Essay: Crafting and Selling
• The Seven Magic Elephants of Creativity
• Writers’ Craft: Children’s Literature
• The Importance of Having a Web Site - this is the one I will be presenting
• Travel Writing 101
• How to Write, Print, & Sell your Book
• Writers’ Resources: Get Started Writing
• And many more!

Registration is only $99.00 for the day.  You can find more information here.